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David Guido is a user experience designer from Southern California, specializing in information architecture and usability. With over 14 years of web and application design experience, David's passion is to analyze, design and implement innovative user-centered solutions. He is a critical thinker with a good design sense, a strong technical background, and an eye for making things better.

On a personal note, David is a family man, an avid mountain biker, his glass is half-full and he's proud of owning Superman Underoos as a kid.

Dave's Daily Dump

May I see your ID?

by David Guido

Everyone that knows my wife, knows how young she looks. I mean, she gets carded about 98% of the time. Sometimes it's flattering to her, but most of the time she's insulted. I really don't understand why she gets insulted because she goes through every last measure to maintain her young appearance... She takes extremely good care of her skin, she eats good, exercises, dresses young, dyes her hair... the whole nine.

So, today was the kicker. She was at Michael's buying some crafts and stuff... she's goes to check out, and you wouldn't believe what she gets carded for... That's right... SPRAY PAINT!! She actually got carded because she was buying spray paint! How funny is that? What would've happened if she didn't have her ID on her? Come on how... she's frikken' 31!... She has a decent size rock on her finger.. she has 3 frikken' KIDS for crying out loud!

I'm tempted to go back without her ID and record it with a hidden camera.

Labels: funny

Posted: 11/04/2006 05:09:00 PM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Farting Preacher

by David Guido

The funniest video I've seen in a long time...

Farting Preacher

Labels: funny

Posted: 2/07/2006 08:58:00 AM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Snip Snip! Gone!

by David Guido

I just had a vasectomy and boy I feel great! Yeah, right. Here's how it went.

I started off my uncomfortable day scratching my balls. They itched like crazy because I had to shave them last night. The only good thing about that was that I looked like a porn star afterwards. Nevermind, there's nothing really good about shaving your balls because sharp blades just don't belong down there. Plus, I didn't really look porn star at all.

While walking through the parking lot of the hospital, we saw Santa Clause driving a broken down blue Pontiac. We later saw him in the urology department and I said, "Look Ethan, Santa's getting a vasectomy just like daddy!" He got really excited.

So the next part of my uncomfortable day was walking into this ice cold bathroom/changing room. It must've been 50 degrees in there. Then after walking into the operating room with my ass hanging out of the gown, this really hot nurse walks in to prep me. I'm like, "Heh... hi! Sure is cold in here, isn't it?" I felt like an idiot.

She started off sticking a big grounding patch to my back, which was also ice cold. Then had me lay back and lift up my gown. Talk about uncomfortable! I was basically flashing a hot chick in a freezing cold room. Can you say "Shrinkage?" How embarrassing! I thought that this would be really good fantasy material or something... Wrong!

To top it all off, she had to spread that orange shit all over the area, and guess what... It was also ICE COLD! She used some kind of sponge and did it like 4 or 5 times. Up, down, all around... It was a very humbling experience.

The doctor came in and talking to him was the only comforting factor in the whole procedure. He's done this somewhere between 500 to 1000 times. So that was good but that didn't last very long.

He started off by squeezing my sack and giving me a numbing shot, explaining that I'd feel a 'sharp prick'. Uh, I felt it! Then I'd feel a 'burning sensation'... didn't feel that. Then I'd feel 'some pressure'. Heh, bullshit. It felt like I got hit in the balls by a little league baseball champ swinging a bat at a pinata! Man, that hurt like crazy! I naturally want to curl up or bend over, but I just had to lay there flat on my back.

Then I noticed that I could see an obscured reflection of what he was doing in the overhanging light. I saw scissors and needles and that just made it worse. Just like sharp razor blades, scissors and needles don't belong any where near the junk. The visuals just made it even more uncomfortable.

So after he found "the Vas," cut and cauterized it, he had to do the same thing to the other side. I don't know what I was thinking, but I initially thought that it was a one-time thing. Nope... Why do it once when you can have twice the fun!

After it was all said and done, they gave me a scrotum support and some Codeine and sent me home. I'm now laying here with an icepack on my nuts, getting ready to watch a movie. Overall, it wasn't really too bad. Just taking one for the team, you know? (but I'm glad I'll never have to do it again!)

Labels: funny

Posted: 11/28/2005 07:30:00 PM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Rready to go...

by David Guido

My balls are shaved... ready for my vasectomy tomorrow.

Man, talk about a reality check!

Labels: funny

Posted: 11/27/2005 09:49:00 PM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Xmas Decorations

by David Guido

This has to be the best Christmas photo I've ever seen. I'm totally doing this next year...

Xmas Decorations

Labels: funny

Posted: 12/23/2002 06:57:00 AM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Just In Case You Were Wondering

by David Guido

Just in case you were wondering...

How to resuscitate a drowning cat...

How much your shit is worth...

Labels: funny

Posted: 6/19/2002 06:41:00 AM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Important Message

by David Guido

Let's start this month off right with yet another...

Message From Ponch!

Labels: funny

Posted: 3/01/2002 08:03:00 AM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Cool Rider

by David Guido

One of the best pictures I've seen in a while... COOL!!!!

Labels: funny

Posted: 2/19/2002 08:25:00 AM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

House Shopping and Ponch

by David Guido

Did a little house shopping today with the Arcuris. Holy crap houses are expensive out here. Not that I didn't know that already, but it really starts to sink in when your looking at them *knowing* that you can't afford them. It sucks!

Ponch was on Space Ghost tonight. It was probably one of the funniest episodes I've ever seen. I love that show.

Labels: funny, home

Posted: 2/17/2002 08:35:00 PM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

Bachelor Party

by David Guido

The boys took me to Vegas for my bachelor party today. It was a lot of fun. It was Chris, Ian, Jerry, Mitchell, Curt and me. We rented a van and stayed at the Imperial Palace. I'm just glad I didn't stay in Ian's room because he stunk up the place so bad, I think he melted Jerry's nose hairs.

The funniest part was when we went to eat some steak-n-eggs around 11:30pm and Ian fell asleep in the booth.... so we left him there! But Curt felt bad and went back to get him.

Also, Mitchell got a headache earlier and crashed. So when we went back up to the room, I poured some ice on his chest. He woke up but didn't realize it was there for about 5 minutes. He was talking to us, and we were cracking up. Poor guy.

Overall, it was a great time... and I won 60 bucks! That was the first time I really got into black jack. I only played for about 45 minutes and must've gotten about 5 or 6 black jacks. Too bad I was only betting like 3 bucks at a time. I know... what an idiot!

Labels: funny, parties

Posted: 12/15/2001 08:35:00 PM | Comments (0) | Post a Comment

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